Don’t let a passive voice or weak verbs steal the power of your words. Be assertive. Be proactive. Don’t let subject confusion dull your punch. Use verbs that say more than the basics.
Be clear WHAT the action is in your sentences and WHO is doing the action. You can say – The wall was painted. Paint was all over his shirt. – or – He painted the room splattering paint on the walls and himself. Put the subject before the verb to make it clear who is doing what.
Remember that in the active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action expressed in the verb. Use of the passive voice is not a grammatical error, there are times when it is in your best interest to keep the subject hidden or vague. Even the first person narrative can be in the passive voice, I was struck by a mugger.
Most editors favor the active voice in a story, however there are times when using the passive voice is preferred. If the intention is to obscure the thought such as a politician saying Mistakes were made (without laying specific blame) or to imply some mystery as in They were being watched, then passive is correct. If you are reporting on an unsolved crime then you don’t know WHO did the act so it is appropriate to say the store was robbed. Scientists are often encouraged to report their findings in a passive voice so that they sound objective in their writing.
There are times when YOU won’t want to be clear, like when you are looking to build tension then saying the car was stolen instead of saying he stole the car puts the emphasis on the action but still leaves a question. A passive way of telling who did the deed is to say The food was cooked by him or The wallet was dropped by Robert – active forms are He cooked the food and Robert dropped the wallet.
Adding extraneous words to your sentences clutter then and can make them weaker. Instead of saying He began to drive to the school, just say He drove to the school. It has more impact. Be clear in your statements, It wasn’t clear who the patient was does make a statement, but Mike didn’t know who needed help is a story. Specify who it wasn’t clear to and put more punch into the what and the sentence makes more of an impression.
Writing exercise: Use your imagination – write a short paragraph inspired by each of these scenarios: 1) When the large box was delivered, I noticed there were air holes on the side; 2) If she was really alone in the house, why was she hearing footsteps in the next room?; 3) The milk tasted bad, not sour, but it had the bitter taste of almonds; 4) The movie ended at midnight, but no one could leave the theatre for another two hours; and 5) They were plunged into darkness by a power failure.
Writing prompt: Using the letters in your name (first, middle, last) write as many VERBS as you can – then make a list of NOUNS/PRONOUNS. Using this list of verbs and nouns, make simple active sentences (subject – verb – object).
