We have all been taught to SHOW not just TELL in our writing. It is much more effective to say “He slammed the door behind him,” instead of simply “He was angry when he left the room”. We bring our readers into the story, letting them experience it for themselves, by relying on the senses instead of mere words.
Another sense we can utilize is auditory. Let your reader HEAR the action. Called onomatopoeia (pronounced on-ii-mot-ii-pee-ah), these are words that sound like what they mean. Whoosh! That concept certainly makes an impact. The sound of the word may be a mere suggestion or an imitation of the source it describes, but it certainly puts a dose of real into your story.
Those of us old enough to remember the old Batman TV series cheered when words like “POW”, “BAM” and “CRUNCH” flashed across a fight scene; it was an effective way to emphasize the power without focusing on the violence. Several commercials have used onomatopoeia like Rice Krispies (snap-crackle-pop) and Alka-Seltzer (plop-plop-fizz-fizz) to introduce the product to viewers. Hearing as well as reading or seeing makes the “situation” more real, believable and memorable.
Just try saying the following words and you’ll find most of them will sound like the action or object they depict: sizzle, boom, splat, wheeze, hiccup, crash, flop, achoo, kerplunk, boink, bang, plink, foop, blast and psst. Animal sounds are also used to let you hear the animal like oink, meow, cuckoo, bah, bow-wow, woof and neigh. Adding these words into your writing will add another dimension to the reader’s experience.
Be careful though when using onomatopoeia liberally that you don’t turn a dramatic moment into satire or changes a grown-up story into a Dr. Seuss-type children’s book.
Writing exercise: Using visual and auditory suggestions, rewrite the following (have fun with it!):
He was tired when he came home from work. The house was empty except for the bird. It was obvious she was gone. He was hungry. All he had in the kitchen for dinner was a sleeve of crackers, salami and a can of soda. Sitting down on the couch, he turned the television on and couldn’t decide what show to watch. Bored, he fell asleep to the ten o’clock news when someone called him on the phone. He picked the receiver up. Even though he knew someone was there, no one spoke. It scared him.
Writing prompt: write one or two sentences to follow each sentence below:
1) I told you not to come back here.
2) Ssh. Can’t you hear that?
3) I recognized that scream.
4) Dammit. I wanted it and it was going to be mine.
5) It was still burning.
