How could I show you, convincingly, that it is a cold night outside? I could say I went outside of my house and it was a cold 30-degrees; or I could tell you that I went outside and shivered from the cold and show you I needed to bundle up with a heavy coat and gloves. I could say that my cheeks stung from the cold winds and that I felt myself sliding on the icy walk. By describing how the cold affects me, showing you what I feel or sense, it helps you, the reader, to experience this cold weather “next to me”.
You, as a writer, should want to invite your readers into the story so that they feel involved. The physical description of a setting is not nearly as important as what your characters see, feel, hear and smell. Include a character’s reactions to help describe the setting, “he squinted in the dim light” is much more effective than simply saying the room was dark. If you say your character “stretched” to reach the book on the shelf, it implies that the shelf was high. John shivers from the old, sweats from the heat, slams doors when angry, inhales deeply when smelling home cooking, etc.
Show, don’t tell.
Use words like appear, become, feel, grow, look, remain, seem, smell, sound, stay, taste, and turn to help the reader enter the story. Show how the character acts in reaction to the things that happen in the story, let the readers who are looking to escape into the story feel the anger, sadness, desperation, euphoria that the characters are experiencing. Don’t just appeal to the intellect with dry descriptions, appeal to the emotions and draw an image and you will more fully involve your reader. You can also use dialogue to convey senses, John complained, “It’s too damn hot in here,” instead of just saying it’s hot in your narrative.
Show, don’t tell is most commonly used in cases of fiction, however there are times when telling is appropriate. Consider these examples: (1) Diana was sad. ~or~ (2) The tears ran down Diana’s cheeks, she grabbed her chest as she took a long shuddering breath in. The second sentence took a lot more words and that may get tiresome for your readers if every sentence and every paragraph is so verbose. Mix up the descriptions, the dialogue, and similes so that your writing moves along and keeps your reader interested.
Remember the way you can show and not just tell and not get bogged down is by using dialogue, sensory descriptions, narrative and using adverbs and adjectives sparingly. It isn’t important to describe everything in a room or about a character UNLESS the thing you are describing is important to the story – the desk that the boss sits behind is probably important to the story (it might help show the boss’ personality) but it probably is not important that the name tag on the door is a rosewood color.
Writing Exercise: (1) Describe the room you are in using only sounds and smells. (2) What actions would your main character take if he were angry, sad, happy, ashamed, lonely or determined? List at least three possible actions for each emotion. (3) You should use care when using similes to describe people so as not to turn your readers off who might take offense, but used with discretion, comparing someone to an ape, for instance, would indicate a large size. Choose at least one descriptive simile for each of your major characters.
Writing Prompt: People-watch for ten to fifteen minutes; if you aren’t around a group of people, turn your TV on with the sound off. Based on the movements, expressions and actions, write down the emotions you believe they were feeling. What do you think any two or three of them were on their way to do.
