~or~
Johnny slammed the pick-up truck door closed. “Git out o’my sight now. Git out.” He felt the rage build up inside of him. She saw the vein in his temple pulsing and knew that he was serious.I didn’t use the word angry once in the second example, but it was obvious anyway. Johnny’s actions and physical appearance speaks volumes about his frame of mind.
The 1970’s sitcom “Good Times” depicted a family living in Chicago’s impoverished projects. After a few seasons the father James (played by John Amos) died; the mother Florida (played by Esther Rolle) was stoic and relatively collected – until the scene where she went into the kitchen and threw a bowl to the floor and just cried. That scene was extremely poignant, she didn’t rant about her loss, no one had to say how sad she was, she didn’t have to wail; her one very uncharacteristic act and eventual teary breakdown had every viewer choked with emotion. Words didn’t need to be said.
Don’t rely on flat explanations to describe a scene or tell your readers what your character is feeling. Use actions, tap into the senses, play characters off of each other if need be. Do more than SAY it was a cold night, have your character shiver in the dark. Have your character loosen his belt buckle instead of merely saying he finished a big meal. Let the floor vibrate instead of just saying the music was loud.
Without actions, sights, smells and feelings, the world (and your story) would seem flat. Learn to mix your narrative, dialogue, scene description, and actions to paint an entire picture for your readers to get absorbed in. Think about walking down the street – there are sounds you hear, the sensation of your feet hitting the pavement, a wind that might blow through your hair, smells from open kitchen windows… Instead of saying “Suzy walked past the widow Benson’s house and saw apple pie on the windowsill” try “Suzy stopped skipping when she caught the unmistakable scent of hot apple pie from the open window at the widow Benson’s place.”
When you simply TELL your story you may get your facts across, just like a phone directory. When is the last time that you got excited about reading a phone directory or it made you feel like you were really there? By using a combination of telling and showing you wind up inviting your readers to enter the world you are writing about. Painting a picture with the senses as well as words helps your reader visualize the setting and makes it seem more real.
“She woke up, the clock said 5:34. They were having an earthquake.” –or – “The shaking of the bed startled her. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on the bouncing LED numbers, 5:34AM. Everything was rattling. There was a huge rumble and a vacuum of silence at the same time.”
Which set made you feel more like you were there?
Don’t tell your readers how they should feel about a character, let them decide for themselves. Of course it helps to show facets of the character’s personality to steer the reader into the same conclusion that you have. “He was an uncaring man.” That simple statement means that the reader has to trust you. “He ignored the fact that the poor dog lay dying in the street as he kept driving. The radio DJ made a lame joke and he laughed as he reached for the open bottle of beer.” Yuck, despicable, thoughtless and certainly not very likable – this is a conclusion the reader can reach for herself.
Tell the story but also share the scene with your readers. Welcome them in to your tale and they will want to keep turning pages.
Writing exercise: 1) What is your happiest memory? Describe the sensations, smells, sights and sounds you associate with that memory. 2) List 5 actions each that would demonstrate Anger, Joy, Relief, Sadness, and Fear.
Writing prompt: List the first ten things you saw or heard this morning when you woke up. Using one word emotions, write next to each how it made you feel.
