Re-post: Show, don't tell

As an author you should not be thinking for the reader, but you can lead them to what you want them to think. Huh?


My in-laws are buried in V. Cemetery - it's really a very pretty place. Eventually my husband and I will also be buried there. - From what I just told you, what do you see? Possibly you can picture some headstones but what else? Aside from using your own memory of any cemetery you might have seen, the "canvas" is pretty blank.


Let’s try this again – My in-laws are buried in V. Cemetery on a gentle slope right by the bank of a crystal clear stream. A large granite stone with the family name seems to embrace four plots, the two for my in-laws and the two reserved for my husband and me. For now there are only two shiny foot-stones set level with the lush, green grass marking the graves already occupied. – Were you able to picture more? In your imagination, what are the differences between the cemetery in the top paragraph and this one?


By the same token, avoid using too much description. The reader’s imagination should feel comfortable enough to expand the picture on its own. If you and I were both in the same room, it is very possible that we would notice different details. Sure, we both can see that there is couch in my living room and a lamp table between two chairs. But you might notice the paintings I have hanging on the walls while I might see the dirty smudges from children’s fingers instead or the chipped paint around the door frame. If we both leave the room together and I describe the room to you, there is a possibility that you won’t really feel that you were in the same room.


In a story instead of telling you every finite detail of the décor of a room, I will give you a few focal points, a loose description of a corner of the room, the view from the sofa a character might sit on, and only include details where it is important to the story. If I am talking about art theft, I will definitely describe the Monet hanging on the wall with identifying features and the artist’s signature. Otherwise I might just mention the oil painting of a windmill and leave it at that. Give your reader enough description to focus on, to allow their own “eye” to see the room. If it is a room that is frequented more than once in your story, make sure you keep it constant; don’t talk in one scene about the one door and two windows and then later on have your character run out through a second door.


Finally show, don’t tell, your character’s emotions – Don’t simply say “John was upset and angry” – tell me that he was frowning, he was slamming things around, his skin was flushed. Make me FEEL his upset and anger.


Writing prompt: List five items in your immediate view (ie: computer monitor, phone, lamp, stapler, pencil) Now DESCRIBE each item so your reader can SEE it. (The lamp is a silver, conical shaped unit hanging upside down from the shelf it is clipped onto. The long, thin and sharp pencil has a bright red and shiny surface. Etc)


Writing exercise: Describe your home or apartment for the real estate market in one paragraph. Make sure you include the attractive selling points.


Challenge Assignment: Blindfold yourself. Using a tape or digital recorder, describe the room you are in with as much detail as you can visualize behind the blindfold. Be sure to include smells, sounds, the temperature and the feel of anything in your immediate touch. Take this recording AS-IS into another room and, based ONLY on what you said, describe the room you were in on paper. Do NOT make any corrections or changes. Take the written description back to the original room or setting - how well does the description match what you actually see?