Well the weather is really cold here in the northeast US –
right now the temperature where I am is just 8-degrees outside. So how could I
show you, convincingly, that it is that darn cold? I could say I went outside of
my house and it was a cold 8-degrees; or I could tell you that I went outside
and shivered from the cold and tell you I needed to bundle up with a heavy coat
and gloves. I could say that my cheeks stung from the cold winds and that I
felt myself sliding on the icy walk. By describing how the cold affects me,
what I feel or sense, it helps you, the reader, to experience this cold weather
“next to me”.
You, as a writer, should want to invite your readers into the
story so that they feel involved. The physical description of a setting is not
nearly as important as what your characters see, feel, hear and smell. Include
a character’s reactions to help describe the setting, “he squinted in the dim
light” is much more effective than simply saying the room was dark. If you say
your character “stretched” to reach the book on the shelf, it implies that the
shelf was high. John shivers from the old, sweats from the heat, slams doors
when angry, inhales deeply when smelling home cooking, etc.
Show, don’t tell.
Use words like appear, become, feel, grow, look, remain,
seem, smell, sound, stay, taste, and turn to help the reader enter the story.
Show how the character acts in reaction to the things that happen in the story,
let the readers who are looking to escape into the story feel the anger,
sadness, desperation, euphoria that the characters are experiencing. Don’t just
appeal to the intellect with dry descriptions, appeal to the emotions and draw
an image and you will more fully involve your reader. You can also use dialogue
to convey senses, John complained, “It’s too damn hot in here,” instead of just
saying it’s hot in your narrative.
Show, don’t tell is most commonly used in cases of fiction,
however there are times when telling is appropriate. Consider these examples: (1)
Diana was sad. ~or~ (2) The tears ran down Diana’s cheeks, she grabbed her
chest as she took a long shuddering breath in. The second sentence took a lot
more words and that may get tiresome for your readers if every sentence and
every paragraph is so verbose. Mix up the descriptions, the dialogue, and
similes so that your writing moves along and keeps your reader interested.
Remember the way you can show and not just tell and not get
bogged down is by using dialogue, sensory descriptions, narrative and using
adverbs and adjectives sparingly. It isn’t important to describe everything in
a room or about a character UNLESS the thing you are describing is important to
the story – the desk that the boss sits behind is probably important to the
story (it might help show the boss’ personality) but it probably is not
important that the name tag on the door is a rosewood color.
Writing
Exercise: (1) Describe the room you are in using only sounds and smells. (2)
What actions would your main character take if he were angry, sad, happy,
ashamed, lonely or determined? List at least three possible actions for each
emotion. (3) You should use care when using similes to describe people so as
not to turn your readers off who might take offense, but used with discretion,
comparing someone to an ape, for instance, would indicate a large size. Choose
at least one descriptive simile for each of your major characters.
Writing
Prompt: People-watch for ten to fifteen minutes; if you aren’t around a group
of people, turn your TV on with the sound off. Based on the movements,
expressions and actions, write down the emotions you believe they were feeling.
What do you think any two or three of them were on their way to do.
